I've been living in kampong for a month. A lot of things have happened and it was not always easy. Moving to a new place is exhausting, and I'm finding it hard to live together with parents as I'm now a grown up person who have different ways of thinking and perceiving things from my parents, but I'm not independent enough financially.
I have to admit that I've been selfish and ignorant for a long time. I always want to live my dream life and do what I want to do without being realistic that I'm the oldest kid, my parents are old and are not productive anymore, and I still need money at the end of the day to sustain. Personally, my life is always on track because I always do what I love to do, but it doesn't always bring me money. Even though I am satisfied with my life, but I also make my parents feel insecure. I'm just lucky that they are still able and want to cover me, but it's just about time that I will do things that I don't like for the money.
Even if I want to live a money-free life and be independent, I still need money to start. I need money to buy land, fertilizers, seeds, life stocks; build the nursery & post harvest room; and pay manpower. I can only be money-free once the ecosystem is established. But to get there? It requires A LOT of money, or if not, just a lot more efforts to make it happen. Oh the irony!
So, long story short I am taking jobs again. Fortunately, I got the freelance jobs that are still related with sustainability, and I'm very very thankful for it! I actually kinda pissed at first, because I was so done with capitalist jobs, and I was so ready to start my utopian life; but I have to postpone it, and back to be a semi-labor again. But after giving it some thoughts, I'm finally accepting this situation with all the ups and downs that follow.
After all, I'm not living in this world to create my dream life, to save the world, or to leave any legacy. The purpose of living is to understand life and to learn. In order to understand and learn, we have to experience a lot of things, broadly, from different angles. So living the shallow, unfair and stressful capitalist life is as necessary as living the wholesome, holistic, and peaceful utopian life.
And again, what is good and bad anyway? They're just the labels we give to things that make us happy and sad. For God, everything is good. It's us who can't accept the fact that it requires both good and bad things in this world to make it balance. As necessary as the goods, the bads need to happen. And whichever situation that we're in right now, we just need to be grateful and allow it to happen to teach us.
Everything in this world is precise. It is what it is.
May we all have the strength to endure any hardship we face along the way! Love <3 <3
Comments